Selfharm and how to cope

I began self-harming in a desperate attempt to lessen, or momentarily rid, my extensive emotional pain. It was initially just experimental and something minor and occasional, however it soon became a daily activity.

I would self-harm when I felt like I couldn’t handle my emotions on a particular day or moment. At first, it partially relieved some of the pain, however, soon it wasn’t enough.  As my pain increased so did the intensity of my methods of self-harm, and I became unable to let a day pass without harming myself. Then, it led to me self-harming on multiple occasions during the day.

Without it selfharm I felt like I couldn’t survive a day: it essentially became an addiction. With my addiction worsening, I also got better at finding ways to hide my secret from others, even family. Now I’m left with scars on my arms, legs, stomach and even on my neck, I’m extremely embarassed and when I’m in public with family and friends I’m sure their ashamed, which is why I rarely wear short sleeves outside.

I have found that Self-harming can help in the short-term by the following:

Expressing feelings you can’t put into words

Releasing your pain and tension

Helping you feel in control

Distracting you from overwhelming emotions or difficult life circumstances

Relieving guilt and punishing yourself

Making you feel alive, or simply feel anything, instead of feeling numb.

I still have strong urges to harm myself some days. However, my urges to self-harm overall have lessened and my willpower has strengthened. I still am not fully “cured” from self-harming thoughts; I think it’ll take a while for me to no longer think of harming myself.

They’re still many occasions where I’m still tempted to harm myself since it is something familiar to me.  During those times it can be really hard to not to let my emotions control me and self-harm, instead of using others coping tools. However, I make the conscious decision to use my skills instead of engaging in my old behaviour

It definitely is a very difficult process of quitting quit self-harming behaviors can be, even just the initial thought of no longer harming is a challenge, however it isn’t impossible. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy; it’s one of the hardest things you’ll do, but you’ll be extremely proud of yourself when you’re able to commit to refraining in even one instance. You are worth so much more that hurting yourself! Don’t forget that there are healthier ways of dealing with your pain.

What I have found helpful :

I talk to people: because I know that there is no shame in my feelings or my past.

I never overwhelm myself and take one day at a time: knowing your limits is important.

I find a healthy outlet: expressing your feelings and finding a healthy outlet, be it going to the gym or doing art, which i have found helpful even if it seems impossible to do.