More about me

Dont read it if your vunlerable……..

After writing a bit about my bipolar, which I will go further into next time, I didn’t mention my eating disorder. Not many people know about this as I didnt want people to think less of me

I have been suffering with this since  I was a teenager, I was fine with how I looked until my so called father told me that I was getting fat, I still remember to this day how the words really hurt, no father should say that to their daughter. From then on I vowed to make sure I wouldn’t put on weight so i just ate healthy food and exercised daily which i did that for many years.

Unfortunately when i got to 18 I excessively exercised, would eat little as possible and constantly weigh myself. When I thought that wasn’t working or I was gaining weight I would start to throw up after everything I ate. First I’d do it once a day then I did it even more, before I knew it, it became second nature. It worked I managed to stay slim, I did stop for a period when I was pregnant as I think I didn’t wanna harm my unborn child but id still monitor it. I did have some time when I really gained alot of weight because of medication but for some reason I didnt really care, I was going through alot back then with the difficult relationships I was having so it was the last thing on my mind but the eating disorder would come back with a vengeance and I went back to my old ways of extreme dieting.

My dad’s words of calling me fat are always on my mind, my son even used to call me that which really hurt.

I still have this problem but at the moment I haven’t sought any help as I think I’ve put alot on my family and I don’t want them finding this out.

I still have a difficult relationship with food, I only eat one meal a day if that, I would make dinner for my mum and eat only a small amount. I still think I’m fat even though people look at me and think I’m crazy for saying it.

I’m embarrassed to say that if I have eaten too much I’ll find a way to get rid of it because of the fear of gaining weight, even though it’s wrong in my mind I’m helping myself.

I’m hoping soon I’ll be able to stop but for the time being I really can’t as I’ve got to be in the right frame on mind although I’m not as excessive as I used to be.

Anyway I will write more when I can as this is all I can say right now. I hope people can relate and don’t hate me for my honestly, I’m not always great with saying what’s going on in my life.